Yay, Purse!

I have a hard time shopping for purses.

Yes, I love them. If I were slightly better off financially, I'd likely get a nice Coach bag or a Dooney and Burke ever year or so. But the problem is, in the business casual world, accessories are one of the few ways a woman has to display her personality. I can't exactly wear my Starfleet Academy T-shirt to work.

In this regard, Etsy has been a godsend. I managed to get a cute Princess Leia necklace with pink lightsaber earrings that I absolutely adore wearing.

But for some reason, I've been at a loss to find a good purse that I like. There were a few retro Trek and Wars inspired ones that amused me, but that weren't quite what I was looking for. After purchasing a tokidoki unicorn figure from ThinkGeek, I ended up wandering to their website.

And lo and behold I found exactly what I wanted!

It's absolutely adorable, the wallet is insanely functional (my Droid X fits in it!) and I love the details. From little rhinestones on the tokidoki logo, to heart skull and crossbones shaped zipper pulls, it's positively awesome.

For a helpful reference, if you happen to be looking for a Coach carrying case that will fit even the Droid X, their Poppy Universal Leather Case is quite nice (although their site fails at direct linking).

Legos for Girls?

My apologies for not posting more earlier this week, but with starting the new job and with Blogspot misbehaving, I just didn't have time to worry about it that much. Also, I apologize for my blog taking a somewhat feminist bend the past couple posts, it just seems to be on my mind recently.

While looking for ways to stay awake at work until midnight, I got to perusing around the Lego website. I've adored them since I was a child, and remember vividly playing with both the "boy" themed sets, and their line of pink horse ranches for girls. Admissably, I probably didn't play with them the way the Lego pople intended. The little horse whip that came with the riders had a loop at the end so it could double over itself. I realized that the hole was the perfect size to slip over around one of the Lego guy's heads, so my girls would ride around on their horses, dragging the boys around by their necks.



Needless to say, when I was looking on their website by category, I clicked on the girls section of the website. While I wasn't necessarily looking for something girly, I remembered there was a good number of cute horse farm sets when I was a child, and I figured with all the girl geeks nowadays, there would have been a push to make more girl-friendly Legos.



Hrm... well, that's not a whole heck of a lot of different sets (for reference, Lego has about 40+ different "themes" right now). And there was only one set listed under the "Belville" set of Horse Stables! Of course, the one set there was was geared for girls around the age of 6. I remember the sets that I had as a child were fun to play with even at 10-12, and had a lot of pieces, similar to the "less girly" sets available at the time. The other sets are likewise aimed for younger girls - around the age of preschool girls.

I've seen several instances where parents have contacted Lego, and Lego has basically said that a large percentage of their sales in the US is for boys, and that due to the amount of countries/ethnicities they market to Internationally, it's not practical for them to market to absolutely every demographic in every country they're sold in.

Ok. That's fine. While I think it would be super awesome for them to have huge horse ranch sets for girls of all ages, pink robots, and pink race cars, that's just what I like. I understand that a set that's specifically geared for girls probably isn't going to have the sort of market that a "Star Wars" set would.

I decided to start searching outside of the "girls" category, to see what sets are out there that might appeal to a girl. Having a specific category for girls is kind of silly, as different children have different likes and interests. Although there will be some parents that only look at that one category, I'd like to think that most would be inclined to search the other categories as well.

For those of you who aren't "in the know" regarding Lego, they have rights to produce toys for a ton of different popular franchises - Star Wars, Pirates of the Caribbean, Indiana Jones, Prince of Persia, Cars, and Spongebob Squarepants to name just a few.

I started with the Pirates of the Caribbean playsets. Elizabeth Swann is a pretty strong female character, who becomes more and more independent as the three movies progress. I was really disappointed to see that there was only one playset featuring Elizabeth. Surely it's something cool, like celebrating how Elizabeth was a Pirate Captain in the third movie? I mean, that was pretty fricking cool, wasn't it?



Oh... well... that's a missed opportunity I guess. There's mermaids in the set for the newest movie, but the only thing that they are there for is so they can be captured by a net flinger. Ho hum.

Let's move on to Star Wars. I mean, Padme Amidala wasn't a character of Leia proportions, but she was pretty major in the first three movies. I mean, she had a cool space ship, I'm sure that warranted a set?

Oh... I guess it didn't. In fact, I looked on their site for a playset that actually included Padme and I couldn't find one. And there were only two that I saw that included Leia, the hard-to-find Tantive IV ship that Darth Vader pursued before capturing her, and the Death Star that includes like 24 different minifigs.

Their Kingdoms sets at least come with female minifigs from time to time, although some of them are milkmaids.... who you get to protect from the evil Dragon Knights! While there is a Princess minifig... she doesn't come with the Castle! It's just the King and his Knights! Where's the Princess? Oh, she is in the Prison Tower, waiting to be rescued.

Alright, alright. Medieval times weren't exactly known for being empowering to women. Let's check out Harry Potter. Hermione was a pretty empowered girl, I'm sure that there's a playset where she's making a potion or something, right? Well she doesn't get her own set, but at least she's included in a good majority of the sets. And Ron didn't get his own sets either, so I guess that's fair.

I dunno. It's alright that they don't make a bunch of pretty princess sets, but it would be really nice to see Lego step up and try to present more of the female characters in their pop culture sets in more empowering scenarios.

The Issue of "Geek Chick"

The issues of who (or what) a geek chick is has been debated for several years now, but seems to be a particular hot topic for blogs and Twitter recently. I figured now would be a good time to weigh in on the subject. I'm going to try and backtrack and cover some things that other writers have mentioned in brief for my readers who might not be as savvy on the topic.

I admit, like I discussed in my previous blog, Female on Female I never really considered myself a "Geek Chick" - or to be honest, anything "special" at all - until someone told me that I was a Geek Chick. I think that my problem with the label was that there was a stereotype at the time. Geek Girls were fat, anti-social, and bathed infrequently - or at least that's what popular culture wanted me to believe.

When I was with the Geek Squad, and was presented with the opportunity to represent the company at public events, I jumped on it. Here was my chance to try and dispel the rumors, to prove that it was possible to be socially capable, well groomed, and "girly" but still to possess the better qualities of geekery. At around the same time, a lot of girls that you wouldn't traditionally call "geeks" started realizing that geek chicks were desirable to a certain segment of the population. Suddenly, girls who had seen Star Wars once as a child were branding themselves as geeks girls, and worse, women with minimal technical credentials realized they could get a job easier by marketing themselves using the diversity angle.

I was torn. Despite the fact that I knew that I knew enough, I almost felt like I was "taking advantage" of my gender - and in some cases, I surely was. I backed away from the "geek" moniker entirely, tried to make my screen names and blog names gender neutral, and avoided any content that could be viewed as feminist. I wanted to be respected purely on my abilities, opinions and skillsets, and avoid the peril of being considered an "ewhore." This was especially prevalent when I was playing WoW competitively, and any hint that you might be female would be used against you. Some guilds wouldn't entertain my applications at all, because they'd been played by women who traded nude pics for achievements and items in the game. I avoided telling my gender on guild apps, and avoided vent interviews if at all possible, not letting them know that I was female until I had proven myself in game. I sat idly at work while the "cute" girl in the low cut tops and mini-skirts became the boss's favorite, figuring that eventually I'd be recognized for my talent and ability.

Since then, I've obviously switched back to my old screen name, "thatgeekchick." It's one that I've used on an off since 2006, and it's one that I feel truly represents me as a person. I think that as a geek, and as a woman, I've had to come to terms with a few things in life.

1. You can't pretend to be someone you're not: This works both ways. My attempts to "mainstream" and pretend not to be a geek were often quickly found out. I'd dress in designer clothes, spend all my my time talking about how "wasted" I got last night, and how hot the guys at work were. But inevitably, I'd quote an obscure Star Wars line, or when one of th guys talked about how cool he thought Scully was, I'd say "Wow, she was my IDOL as a child!"

As I said, this works both ways. "Poseur" geek girls will generally quickly be rooted out. The girl that gets by on looks and charm alone will be revealed, and will be gone. And if she isn't... well perhaps the problem isn't HER so much as it's the work/social environment. Any job/social group that can be fooled that easily probably isn't worth being part of. Eventually, the game will get old, or someone will get tired of it.

2. Well... actually... you can pretend: This almost directly contradicts what I just said, but it's an important tangent. When I was in Catholic School, I once asked a religion teacher how I could "become" a good Catholic if I didn't believe. her answer? "Pretend until you believe.*" There are girls out there that want to capitalize on the geek chick phenomenon. There are also girls out there who weren't raised to be geeks, and who really, genuinely want a part of this culture. Perhaps their boyfriend is a gamer, or they've grown sick of hanging out with girls that just want to gossip about boys and clothes all the time. If a girl really wants to be part of the scene, and is playing the part, it's possible (and hopefully LIKELY) that at some point, she will have genuine geek cred.

Remember - the key aspect of geekhood that separates us from non-geeks is passion! Just because someone wasn't raised geek doesn't mean it's too late to convert! Perhaps you can be the lovely lady who guides the neophyte into more genuine geeky pastures?

*Passion is necessary in this endeavor. No matter how hard I pretended to be Catholic, it never really caught on with me, because it wasn't in my heart.

3. You don't have to give up girlyness to be a geek: One of the great things about being a geek chick is the fact that we can sort of choose which facets of "girl" and "geek" appeal to us. For many years, I assumed that "geek" meant that I had to wear baggy, nerdy clothes, eschew makeup, and avoid pink at all costs. In more recent years, I've realized that I enjoy the freedom - I can wear geeky tee shirts one day, pink frilly dresses the next. I can make geek clothing fashionable through the use of trendy accessories, and I can make designer clothes geeky by using geeky accessories. The only problem with this is that it can make it hard to pack for trips, or to budget one's finances. Do I pack two laptops and a hair dryer, or one laptop with my dryer and straightener?

4. We as human beings seek to classify things: It's normal to label, to assume, and to stereotype. It's just how we as human beings manage a huge volume of information. There's nothing wrong with embracing a label. There's definitely nothing wrong with defying others to expand their pre-existing beliefs by presenting them with something they haven't seen before.

5. There are ups and downs to every classification: Anything that can get you ahead in life can hold you back as well. I no longer feel bad listing myself as a diversity candidate for tech positions because there are some opportunities that won't become available to me because of my femininity. Like after I watched SeaQuest DSV, I fell in love with their Chief Engineer Katherine Hitchcock. I was so disappointed when I realized that naval submariners generally speaking can't be female :-( When I wanted to be an inhome agent for the Geek Squad, a lot of managers didn't want top "jeopardize" a young female by sending her into strangers homes. For every time I've "gotten something" because I was a girl, there was an opportunity that I missed because I was a girl.

6. That said, it's a thin line to tread...: It's one thing to embrace your femininity. But there's a thin line between embracing that what makes us unique, and... well.... whoring out. While whoring out nearly always works in the short time, it generally fails in the long term. Too often, you become a victim. Also, this is one of the quicker ways that I have seen to alienate other geek girls.

7. First and foremost, we are fighters!: Life is rarely easy on geek chicks. A lot of us are very possessive of our "geek girl" culture, and will fight if we disagree with something. As a whole, culture doesn't really know what to do with us, and the teenaged years were hard on many of us. Don't be surprised if we get defensive if we feel threatened, and if we immediately start to fight dirty. It's one thing we excel at.

I think that was the large majority of my thoughts on this matter. I'd like to think that I'm not your typical, die hard feminist, and that my viewpoints on the matter are pretty moderate.

How To Win Over a Geek Girl

"A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired."

A few years back, at the request of a few of my geek friends, I wrote a guide to winning over a geek girl. A lot of people liked it, and I've searched for it numerous times over the course of the last few years, but unfortunately, I've struck out in terms of relocating the original source. It's still a topic that I get asked about a lot, so I figured I'd rewrite it to the best of my ability. Back when I originally wrote it, there were very few articles like it. Nowadays, there are a ton, but I think that they're all missing a few really key points.

I included the quote at the top, regarding that place that men all hate to be - the "friend zone." As someone who has put numerous men in said zone in my life, I think I'm reasonably well qualified to discuss that as well. So here it goes, my guide to getting a geek girl.

1. Realize that Geek Girls aren't Nearly as Rare as you Think: One of the first obstacles I see men encounter is that they treat the first geek female they meet like she's a rare commodity. They become so overwhelmed with the thought that she is the only one, the best, the most perfect, that they turn into complete fools when they try to deal with her. In doing this, you become insistent, and frequently creepy. Much like guys abhor the concept of the stereotypical "clingy" girl, geek girls tend to avoid men that are constantly in their face. If you don't see geek girls where you are, there are a few options. First, try leaving your house. Trust me on this one. Try checking out the local college's gaming club, anime club, or something else nerdy. Try internet forums for things that you are interested in that targets people in your geographic area. Go to a Convention. Once you realize that this geek girl isn't the only geek girl, your perception on things will be far better. This is something that often comes back to bite a man far into the relationship. The number of guys I know who are in unhappy relationships with a girl, but refuse to leave because they'll "never find another geek girl" is sad.

2. Confidence is Sexy: Women like the bad guy. As a fellow geek, you may never fall into the bad guy category. but what is it that a woman likes in the bad guy? Well, a lot of times it's confidence. Believing in yourself, not caring what other people think of you - that is sexy. You don't need to be a braggart or an asshole to be confident. There's something to be said about a man who's quietly confident as well. If you can't like yourself, she won't like you either. To aid in shyness, don't think of her as a geek girl, think of her as just a fellow geek.

3. I Know I'm Great, But Can I Get Off This Pedestal Please?: Women love complements. It's true. And the instinct for many geek guys - especially when dealing with a woman who might have been treated good in the past - is to put her up on a Pedestal. If you believe a woman is "above" you, and you tell her that repeatedly, eventually she will believe it. Approach a geek girl like an equal. Complement her when it's appropriate. But don't fall into the trap of saying things like, "Wow, you're so much prettier than my other girlfriends..." or other things of that nature.

4. Self-Deprecating Humor: Self deprecating humor is pretty common in geek social circles. A lot of us have been made fun of for so many years that we embrace it, and make fun of ourselves. While there is something to be said about a man who doesn't take himself too seriously, it's important to keep the self-deprecating humor to a minimum. It kind of falls under the category of #3 - if you keep telling a girl that you're beneath her, she's eventually going to believe it. This is probably the 2nd most common reason that guys fall into the "friend zone." If you've done nothing but make fun of yourself, and acted like she is above you, that's how she's going to perceive you. And it's a hard perception to shake.

5. Personal Hygiene: There seem to be some myths about male hygiene that go around, and I need to dispel them. First - Axe Body Spray is not deodorant. You need to use both. Putting more good smelling stuff on isn't going to hide the funk. Praying that she doesn't notice isn't going to work. If used in addition to deodorant, Axe is alright. It's one of those love/hate things with women though. Smell is the scent that invokes memories the strongest. It's something that you want to get right. If you hear your lady of interest say something smells good - particularly a guy she knows - it's probably in your best interest to see what cologne he wears. Or perhaps there's a guy that you work with that's well dressed, and that the women at your office always seem to swoon around. Ask him for pointers. [NOTE: I've since been chided for saying Axe is alright. I know some women like it, but perhaps better advice would be just to steer clear and purchase a real cologne.]

6. Geek Girls Like Being Challenged: Again, this somewhat falls under the aforementioned categories revolving around confidence, and perceptions of inferiority. Many geek girls like being challenged. They strive to constantly learn new things, to have their horizons expanded, and to better themselves. A guy that always says yes doesn't help her in any of these goals. A guy that always says yes will probably let her run off and do dumb things when he probably should have stopped her. Try to say and do things that force her to stop accepting life for what it is, and to challenge her to see another viewpoint. This is reason number 3 why I categorize guys in the "friend zone." If you're not going to point it out when I'm wrong, and you're just going to let me walk all over you, you aren't helping me grow in any healthy fashion.

7. That Doesn't Mean Question Every Word She Says: No offense geek boys, but it seems like some of you have this desire to always be right. Except, it's not a desire to always be right, but moreso a desire to prove everyone else wrong. It's a common trait in people who are insecure with themselves. It's also extremely unattractive. I've literally gone on dates with a guy who questioned everything I said. The hilarious part was that a good 75% of it was in regards to things that I could solidly prove him wrong in. And when I did prove him wrong, he refused to back down, still insisting that he was correct. We're not talking abstract concepts that someone can argue, oh no. We're talking facts. Dates. Numbers. Equations. Nothing is a bigger turn off, and that's probably the #4 reason that men stay in the friend zone.

8. If you Make More than she does, try not to Flaunt it: I am going to admit upfront that this is something that is subject to debate. But a lot of us geek girls kind of like having nice jobs and being "independent." If your lady has that mindset, it's probably best to not mention if your income is higher initially. Some of us find it kind of daunting. So approach flaunting your income carefully. A lot of geek girls are going into life with the mindset that they shouldn't need to depend on a man's income. Sometimes this leads us to believe that there are socio-economic boundaries to love and relationships. If she reads women's magazines like Cosmopolitan, she might have heard that men are judging women more and more by the type of job they have, or their income.

9. Don't Obsess: Don't try to hang out with her every day. Don't cancel your plans to hang out with her. Have a life of your own. This will give you something to discuss with her, and will prevent her from running away because she feels smothered. Better yet, take the time you have to your self to do or learn something interesting. Pick up rock climbing. Learn a language, or how to cook, or some other skill. That way, when you finally do have her on a date, you can wow her with unexpected skill.

10. Don't be Creepy: Keep the staring to a minimal level. Don't get her drunk and try to take advantage of her. Don't kiss her while you think she's sleeping (trust me, she's not). Don't comment on every single thing she posts on Facebook. There's a fine line between interested and stalking.

I think those are my biggest points for now. Consider yourselves educated, and go forth into the world!