Head's Up

As it occurs to me that some people might not know, this is just a heads up that this blog has a new home: http://www.thatgeekchick.net/blog

Yay, Purse!

I have a hard time shopping for purses.

Yes, I love them. If I were slightly better off financially, I'd likely get a nice Coach bag or a Dooney and Burke ever year or so. But the problem is, in the business casual world, accessories are one of the few ways a woman has to display her personality. I can't exactly wear my Starfleet Academy T-shirt to work.

In this regard, Etsy has been a godsend. I managed to get a cute Princess Leia necklace with pink lightsaber earrings that I absolutely adore wearing.

But for some reason, I've been at a loss to find a good purse that I like. There were a few retro Trek and Wars inspired ones that amused me, but that weren't quite what I was looking for. After purchasing a tokidoki unicorn figure from ThinkGeek, I ended up wandering to their website.

And lo and behold I found exactly what I wanted!

It's absolutely adorable, the wallet is insanely functional (my Droid X fits in it!) and I love the details. From little rhinestones on the tokidoki logo, to heart skull and crossbones shaped zipper pulls, it's positively awesome.

For a helpful reference, if you happen to be looking for a Coach carrying case that will fit even the Droid X, their Poppy Universal Leather Case is quite nice (although their site fails at direct linking).

Downton Abbey

I'll admit it - I'm a glutton for a good period piece. So when I saw that Felicia Day had mentioned Downton Abbey, I knew that I had to take a peek. Luckily enough, the entire 1st season was on Netflix, and I happily devoured it over a period of a few days. The TV show features the residents of Downton Abbey - both the Earl and his family, and the servants as well. In this, I was quite intrigued, for it seems like much of the time, it's the upper-class members of society that are featured in such productions. The seven episodes of season 1 encompass over 2 years of time between April 1912 and August 1914 - specifically, it begins with the sinking of the Titanic, and ends with the beginning of World War I. This prevents the show from dwelling too much on minor details, but the writers are careful to ensure that we don't feel like we missed to much in between episodes either.

It starts out in a very Pride and Prejudice sort of manner. The Earl of Gratham, Robert Crawley, has three daughters, and because of inheritance laws, none of them are able to inherit Downton. In the first episode, his heir (who was to marry the eldest of his daughters) dies tragically on the Titanic, throwing life at Downton into turmoil. Admissably, I was initially disappointed, figuring that this plot has been done time and time again. But by the conclusion of the first episode, I was already pleased with how they were handling something that could have easily become cliche. A large part of this was the acting - all of the characters from the great Earl to the mere kitchen maid were quite realistically portrayed.

As mentioned, the servants lives are just as integral to the plotline of the show as their employers are. It's fascinating seeing the differences between the two worlds, which is often starkly evident through the use of clever camera shots and editing. We see the footmen walking through the lavish family sections of the Abbey, down into the servant's quarters, which are stark and cold. We see cuts between the Earl's family having a lavish, multi-course dinner and the servants eating a simple bowl of soup.

That's not to say that you are meant to feel bad for the servants, or to feel that the aristocracy puts the Crawleys unfairly ahead. Both the Crawley family and the servants feature some characters that are worthy of empathy, and others who are more deserving of scorn. Some of the servants are proud to work for such a nice house, and to not be laboring in a factory or a farm, while others resent the cards that they've drawn in life.

The Crawley girls are dynamic characters in that I found myself split between feeling bad for them, and feeling like they'd gotten what they'd deserved. They interact in a fashion that is typical of a real family - they bicker, they disagree, and occasionally they do something to ruin one another's lives. They are complex characters in a fast changing world, who - despite their parent's best attempts to protect them - seem to have no difficulty getting themselves into bad situations.

While the movings of a rapidly evolving world impact the Crawley girls, it is their grandmother the Dowager Countess who primarily demonstrates both these evolutions, and the differences between high society and the common man. She is fearful of the electric lights that are in Downton Abbey, especially because they are in the kitchens, and she worries what it might do to her food. And when in the presence of the working class Matthew Crawley, she is confused by his use of the term "weekend" - as people who have never needed to have a job don't grasp the concept of days off.

The only major complaint that I have was that while the costumes and sets are amazing, the camera work is kind of annoying. I'm not a particularly big fan of the use of soft focus... especially not in every single shot of a series. I also think it would be nice to have a few more episodes in a season, as the 7 from season 1 left me wanting more. Hopefully, the next season will deliver.

After great success in both the UK and Australia, they have begun to film the second season, which will take place during World War I in England, and should feature the characters going through dramatic changes as a result.

On the Subject of Inspiration

First off, Hi to all the random people finding my blog because I've been retweeted by ThinkGeek and Patrick Norton.

I've been feeling rather inspired recently.

I have to admit, this is somewhat frustrating. Where was this inspiration when I was home unemployed doing nothing?

As I've mentioned before, I'm pretty active in two different Pern fandom email groups - Triad Weyrs and (my own site) 11th Pass Pern. I joined Pern fandom a little over a year ago to try and get my spelling, grammar, etc. back up to par to finish work on the aforementioned novel. I've gotten proofreaders. I've gotten feedback - good feedback - from many of them. Half of them keep hounding me for more.

The problem is, now that I'm employed and my free time has lessened, I have more and more ideas.

I'm not really "good" at prioritization.

It's no secret - I've wanted to make a short web series ever since I was in college. Studying film. Because, you know, that's what the modern film major does. Ever since YouTube became a viable source for film projects, that's what the aspiring film maker has tried to do.

It's free. No one controls you. If you make good keywords, people will inadvertently stumble onto your work.

The Guild has been one of my biggest inspirations for years now. Nerdy red headed girl playing MMOs? Yes please! And she's even a Priest! How self-reflective. Ever since I've watched it I've wanted to do something vaguely similar. Something that featured on a more snobbish crew of gamers. The seedy underworld of the MMO subculture.

The "Elitist Jerks" as they're often called.

In The Guild, the Axis of Anarchy hints at it - but we're very rarely meant to sympathize with them. In general, they are meant as the "villains" of the show. But there's so much material there!

Like the stigmas against female gamers at the upper echelon of play, and the assumption that if you're good, it's because someone helped you get gear. Or the drama that occurs when a raid leader calls out a member for their failures. And of course, the psychology behind people that will let their entire real life turn to shambles because they're "godly" in a video game. Or even the Long Distance relationships (protip: there's at least one in every raiding guild)!

But more than just MMOs, Elitists tend to have a different manner of seeing everything. Watching them Powergame at Dungeons and Dragons would be fascinating. Heck, even trips to the local watering hole are amusing (albeit, frequently extremely vulgar).

I wouldn't even necessarily want to start it as a web series - mainly because I don't know enough people who'd be willing to "act" for it. I mean, I think it's a viable short story concept as well.

The problem is, no matter how "different" it ended up being, it'd always be thought of as a "stolen" concept - because it is. And I think because of that very reason, I'd never want to do it.

I wish I had inspirations for original concepts, and not variations on current themes...

Oh well.

The Book - An Excerpt

I started writing a novel back in November of 2009. At the time, I was unemployed, had a lot of free time, and was slightly obsessed with Charlaine Harris' "Sookie Stackhouse" novels. I've attempted to regain interest in my start since then, but have found it hard to get back into it, largely because I'm not actually convinced that anyone would be interested in it. I figured I'd post the first three pages of the Preface here and see how it was received. So.... here goes.

Preface

So let’s get this straight from the very beginning. I'm not the type of girl that people look at and assume “That Delilah, she hangs out with Vampires.” Obviously, this statement hinges on you actually believing in the creatures in the first place, but let's table that skepticism for a moment. My life has always been pretty normal. I wasn't the ostracized kid who always boasted on how “different” they were from their peers, dressing in black, and listening to loud, cacophonous music. Nor was I the type to dye my hair different colors, act out to upset my parents, or spend my nights smoking weed in the basement. In fact, the most “abnormal” thing about me was that my parents raised me strictly Catholic in a neighborhood that was more or less full of Protestants. I was the type of girl that did well in classes and studied hard, but still managed to have a relatively stable group of friends. Work hard, Play hard had always been my father's motto, and I took it to heart. Even inwardly, I had never had reason to even consider that I might be different than my peers until shortly after the accident.

Truly – I should have seen the accident coming. I'd been an insomniac since High School, and it only stood to reason that at some point the lack of sleep would catch up with me. It wasn't unusual that I would occasionally grow faint, or pass out during the day – I was a college student. Living off of Ramen, caffeine pills and borrowed Adderall was the road to cum laude status, wasn't it? But of course, I kept ignoring the signs until I passed out while driving to class a few weeks before finals, my Senior year. Obviously what came next was a near disaster, as I plowed my beloved, second-hand Ford Taurus into a guard rail. I still count myself as being extremely lucky that I was the only one hurt. One moment I was trying to remember the fates of the wives of Henry VIII (divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived), and the next I was in excruciating pain, looking up at the concerned faces of my mother and elder brother.

I tried to force my lips to create words, while also trying to look at how bad the damage had been. My right arm was in a cast, and I felt as though an elephant was sitting perched on my chest. “Where am I?” I managed to squeak out, my voice sounding harsh and grating to my own ears.

“Johns Hopkins!” My mother said, her voice wrought with grief. I was puzzled. I'd been nowhere near the vicinity of that hospital, which inferred that I was most likely airlifted there. My first trip in a helicopter and I was asleep for it! I thought to myself, slightly disappointed. I then wondered what kind of narcotics the doctor's had given me to cause such an out of place thought at a time where I should be grateful to be alive.

I squinted, looking around, puzzled. My mother was wringing her hands anxiously, and worry lines crossed my brother's brow. “Dad?” I asked, trying to remember if he was in town, or if he was off talking at some convention or another. My father worked in the IT field, developing software specifically targeted at small churches. As a result, he often traveled to either show off his projects, or to visit some of the churches already utilizing the programs.

“It's men's retreat week. I've sent a message to the Priest, he should be returning later this week. I should go get the doctor; he wasn't expecting you to awaken so soon,” my mother responded. I watched as she turned, and exited the small hospital room. She still moved with the grace of a dancer, even after the birth of my brother and me. She and I shared the same short stature, and lithe build, but that was about where the similarity ended. My mother was a mousy looking brunette, with dark brown eyes and unremarkable facial features. She was the type of woman that if you saw only her face, you'd immediately think, “Yep, she's a mom.” Me on the other hand, I possessed auburn hair and clear blue eyes – obviously the result of some recessive genetics at work, family members had joked.

I gazed around the room while my mother was gone, noting that some of my friends and family had left me cards and flowers. It was then that I truly understood the gravity of the situation - I’d been at the hospital long enough for people to miss me. For some reason I felt guilty then for making everyone worry about my well being. I searched around for any sign of my cell phone, but didn’t see it anywhere. As it had been in my pocket when the accident occurred, I could only assume that it had been destroyed in the process. No cell phone meant no contact with the outside world - and would make my stay at the hospital even more boring.

My brother's scowl snapped me out of my reverie. “How long has this been happening?” He asked, curtly. His icy blue eyes glared at me with disapproval.

I shrugged without thinking, and winced at the pain it caused. “What? The black outs?” I shook my head. “I don't sleep enough, Mikey; it was bound to happen eventually.”

I hoped that his scowl was because I called him Mikey – a nickname he hated – but I assumed that it was likely because he was disappointed in me. His gaze left mine to focus on the IV that was supplying me with fluids, and I followed his gaze. In addition to the standard clear IV bag was one that had been filled with blood – AB negative# by the label. “You lost a lot of blood. You have a rare type, the hospital had to call several blood banks to track some down.” He stated absently. I had a momentary twinge of guilt. The blood drives at college had often complained of how short the local blood supply was, but I'd never donated.

“But mom used to donate, couldn't she have just tapped open a vein?” I joked.

Mikhael didn't smile. “Mom wasn't a match. Nor was I, and Dad was out of town,” He explained simply. I eyed the empty bag, feeling disconcerted. Even being college educated, there was still some part of me that got a little creeped out by the thought of somebody else's vital fluids in my body. His gaze focused on me once more. “We need to hang out more once you're out of here, little sis. I've missed you,” He said, his voice full of sincerity. There was a rather large age gap between Mikhael and myself, 7 years, but he had always tried to be there for me, especially recently. Shortly after our grandmother had passed away, back when I was 14 and he was 21, he had a phase where he had lost touch with the family for a while, and he always felt bad about abandoning me then. Grannie and I had been quite close, and her death was hard on me.

Our discussion was interrupted by the return of my mother, who brought with her the doctor, who appeared to be in his late 40s. His dark brown hair was graying, but his hazel eyes still looked like that of a young boy, curious and intelligent. “Miss Connolly, how are you feeling? You're up rather sooner than we expected.”

“I feel like I was hit by a truck,” I said, truthfully. My midsection both itched and ached horribly and I suspected that if I were to look down, I would find stitches holding me together. “How long have I been out?”

“About 48 hours.” He answered, as he produced a flashlight from his pocket and gestured for me to follow it with my eyes. “You hit your head pretty good, so you had a minor concussion. Your left arm was fractured, as were several ribs. There was some internal bleeding as well, but luckily nothing important was punctured.” He clicked off the flashlight decisively, and fixed me with a stern look. “You are very lucky that nothing more serious occurred, and that no one else was injured.” He stated. Then his hands began to probe at a bump on my scalp that I had previously not been aware of. Under pressure, however, it stung, and I winced. “I'll get you a bit more morphine,” he stated, and left momentarily. He returned with a vial and a syringe, which he injected into the IV.

My mouth was filled with a vaguely metallic taste, and although I fought valiantly, I couldn't seem to stop myself from drifting back off to sleep. The last thing I remember hearing in my semi-conscious state was the doctor explaining to my mother that while he was impressed that I had awoken so quickly, that didn't necessarily mean that I was out of danger.

~*~

Legos for Girls?

My apologies for not posting more earlier this week, but with starting the new job and with Blogspot misbehaving, I just didn't have time to worry about it that much. Also, I apologize for my blog taking a somewhat feminist bend the past couple posts, it just seems to be on my mind recently.

While looking for ways to stay awake at work until midnight, I got to perusing around the Lego website. I've adored them since I was a child, and remember vividly playing with both the "boy" themed sets, and their line of pink horse ranches for girls. Admissably, I probably didn't play with them the way the Lego pople intended. The little horse whip that came with the riders had a loop at the end so it could double over itself. I realized that the hole was the perfect size to slip over around one of the Lego guy's heads, so my girls would ride around on their horses, dragging the boys around by their necks.



Needless to say, when I was looking on their website by category, I clicked on the girls section of the website. While I wasn't necessarily looking for something girly, I remembered there was a good number of cute horse farm sets when I was a child, and I figured with all the girl geeks nowadays, there would have been a push to make more girl-friendly Legos.



Hrm... well, that's not a whole heck of a lot of different sets (for reference, Lego has about 40+ different "themes" right now). And there was only one set listed under the "Belville" set of Horse Stables! Of course, the one set there was was geared for girls around the age of 6. I remember the sets that I had as a child were fun to play with even at 10-12, and had a lot of pieces, similar to the "less girly" sets available at the time. The other sets are likewise aimed for younger girls - around the age of preschool girls.

I've seen several instances where parents have contacted Lego, and Lego has basically said that a large percentage of their sales in the US is for boys, and that due to the amount of countries/ethnicities they market to Internationally, it's not practical for them to market to absolutely every demographic in every country they're sold in.

Ok. That's fine. While I think it would be super awesome for them to have huge horse ranch sets for girls of all ages, pink robots, and pink race cars, that's just what I like. I understand that a set that's specifically geared for girls probably isn't going to have the sort of market that a "Star Wars" set would.

I decided to start searching outside of the "girls" category, to see what sets are out there that might appeal to a girl. Having a specific category for girls is kind of silly, as different children have different likes and interests. Although there will be some parents that only look at that one category, I'd like to think that most would be inclined to search the other categories as well.

For those of you who aren't "in the know" regarding Lego, they have rights to produce toys for a ton of different popular franchises - Star Wars, Pirates of the Caribbean, Indiana Jones, Prince of Persia, Cars, and Spongebob Squarepants to name just a few.

I started with the Pirates of the Caribbean playsets. Elizabeth Swann is a pretty strong female character, who becomes more and more independent as the three movies progress. I was really disappointed to see that there was only one playset featuring Elizabeth. Surely it's something cool, like celebrating how Elizabeth was a Pirate Captain in the third movie? I mean, that was pretty fricking cool, wasn't it?



Oh... well... that's a missed opportunity I guess. There's mermaids in the set for the newest movie, but the only thing that they are there for is so they can be captured by a net flinger. Ho hum.

Let's move on to Star Wars. I mean, Padme Amidala wasn't a character of Leia proportions, but she was pretty major in the first three movies. I mean, she had a cool space ship, I'm sure that warranted a set?

Oh... I guess it didn't. In fact, I looked on their site for a playset that actually included Padme and I couldn't find one. And there were only two that I saw that included Leia, the hard-to-find Tantive IV ship that Darth Vader pursued before capturing her, and the Death Star that includes like 24 different minifigs.

Their Kingdoms sets at least come with female minifigs from time to time, although some of them are milkmaids.... who you get to protect from the evil Dragon Knights! While there is a Princess minifig... she doesn't come with the Castle! It's just the King and his Knights! Where's the Princess? Oh, she is in the Prison Tower, waiting to be rescued.

Alright, alright. Medieval times weren't exactly known for being empowering to women. Let's check out Harry Potter. Hermione was a pretty empowered girl, I'm sure that there's a playset where she's making a potion or something, right? Well she doesn't get her own set, but at least she's included in a good majority of the sets. And Ron didn't get his own sets either, so I guess that's fair.

I dunno. It's alright that they don't make a bunch of pretty princess sets, but it would be really nice to see Lego step up and try to present more of the female characters in their pop culture sets in more empowering scenarios.

Oh, the Irony

In an attempt to blog a bit more regularly, I've decided to make some shorter blog posts in between the "meatier" ones. Besides, something happened at Abercrombie and Fitch the other day that made me laugh a whole lot, and required sharing.

First off, if you've never shopped at A&F, you probably don't know that they typically only hire the "prettiest" men and women, the people that embody their standard of beauty. Now I'm not going to state that this is true for everyone that works at A&F, but what I've seen at the ones that I shop at is that they generally tend to treat people a bit differently depending on how they dress. For example, if I go in there in non-name-brand clothes, they are polite, but you can tell that they think that I'm just browsing and can't actually afford what they sell. If I go in a competitor's clothing, they tend to be just a little bit icy and demeaning. It's only when I go wearing their own brand of clothing that people seem genuinely nice to me.

I ran there really quickly the other day because they were having a great sale on tees and tanks, and I just wore my Portal 2 inspired, The Cheese is a Liederkrantz shirt from shirt.woot. And something happened to me that has never before occurred at A&F - one of the employees started flirting with me! At first he was just asking if I happened to work at GameStop, but when I told him that no, I actually like video games, he became strangely interested in me.

I LOL'd.

The Issue of "Geek Chick"

The issues of who (or what) a geek chick is has been debated for several years now, but seems to be a particular hot topic for blogs and Twitter recently. I figured now would be a good time to weigh in on the subject. I'm going to try and backtrack and cover some things that other writers have mentioned in brief for my readers who might not be as savvy on the topic.

I admit, like I discussed in my previous blog, Female on Female I never really considered myself a "Geek Chick" - or to be honest, anything "special" at all - until someone told me that I was a Geek Chick. I think that my problem with the label was that there was a stereotype at the time. Geek Girls were fat, anti-social, and bathed infrequently - or at least that's what popular culture wanted me to believe.

When I was with the Geek Squad, and was presented with the opportunity to represent the company at public events, I jumped on it. Here was my chance to try and dispel the rumors, to prove that it was possible to be socially capable, well groomed, and "girly" but still to possess the better qualities of geekery. At around the same time, a lot of girls that you wouldn't traditionally call "geeks" started realizing that geek chicks were desirable to a certain segment of the population. Suddenly, girls who had seen Star Wars once as a child were branding themselves as geeks girls, and worse, women with minimal technical credentials realized they could get a job easier by marketing themselves using the diversity angle.

I was torn. Despite the fact that I knew that I knew enough, I almost felt like I was "taking advantage" of my gender - and in some cases, I surely was. I backed away from the "geek" moniker entirely, tried to make my screen names and blog names gender neutral, and avoided any content that could be viewed as feminist. I wanted to be respected purely on my abilities, opinions and skillsets, and avoid the peril of being considered an "ewhore." This was especially prevalent when I was playing WoW competitively, and any hint that you might be female would be used against you. Some guilds wouldn't entertain my applications at all, because they'd been played by women who traded nude pics for achievements and items in the game. I avoided telling my gender on guild apps, and avoided vent interviews if at all possible, not letting them know that I was female until I had proven myself in game. I sat idly at work while the "cute" girl in the low cut tops and mini-skirts became the boss's favorite, figuring that eventually I'd be recognized for my talent and ability.

Since then, I've obviously switched back to my old screen name, "thatgeekchick." It's one that I've used on an off since 2006, and it's one that I feel truly represents me as a person. I think that as a geek, and as a woman, I've had to come to terms with a few things in life.

1. You can't pretend to be someone you're not: This works both ways. My attempts to "mainstream" and pretend not to be a geek were often quickly found out. I'd dress in designer clothes, spend all my my time talking about how "wasted" I got last night, and how hot the guys at work were. But inevitably, I'd quote an obscure Star Wars line, or when one of th guys talked about how cool he thought Scully was, I'd say "Wow, she was my IDOL as a child!"

As I said, this works both ways. "Poseur" geek girls will generally quickly be rooted out. The girl that gets by on looks and charm alone will be revealed, and will be gone. And if she isn't... well perhaps the problem isn't HER so much as it's the work/social environment. Any job/social group that can be fooled that easily probably isn't worth being part of. Eventually, the game will get old, or someone will get tired of it.

2. Well... actually... you can pretend: This almost directly contradicts what I just said, but it's an important tangent. When I was in Catholic School, I once asked a religion teacher how I could "become" a good Catholic if I didn't believe. her answer? "Pretend until you believe.*" There are girls out there that want to capitalize on the geek chick phenomenon. There are also girls out there who weren't raised to be geeks, and who really, genuinely want a part of this culture. Perhaps their boyfriend is a gamer, or they've grown sick of hanging out with girls that just want to gossip about boys and clothes all the time. If a girl really wants to be part of the scene, and is playing the part, it's possible (and hopefully LIKELY) that at some point, she will have genuine geek cred.

Remember - the key aspect of geekhood that separates us from non-geeks is passion! Just because someone wasn't raised geek doesn't mean it's too late to convert! Perhaps you can be the lovely lady who guides the neophyte into more genuine geeky pastures?

*Passion is necessary in this endeavor. No matter how hard I pretended to be Catholic, it never really caught on with me, because it wasn't in my heart.

3. You don't have to give up girlyness to be a geek: One of the great things about being a geek chick is the fact that we can sort of choose which facets of "girl" and "geek" appeal to us. For many years, I assumed that "geek" meant that I had to wear baggy, nerdy clothes, eschew makeup, and avoid pink at all costs. In more recent years, I've realized that I enjoy the freedom - I can wear geeky tee shirts one day, pink frilly dresses the next. I can make geek clothing fashionable through the use of trendy accessories, and I can make designer clothes geeky by using geeky accessories. The only problem with this is that it can make it hard to pack for trips, or to budget one's finances. Do I pack two laptops and a hair dryer, or one laptop with my dryer and straightener?

4. We as human beings seek to classify things: It's normal to label, to assume, and to stereotype. It's just how we as human beings manage a huge volume of information. There's nothing wrong with embracing a label. There's definitely nothing wrong with defying others to expand their pre-existing beliefs by presenting them with something they haven't seen before.

5. There are ups and downs to every classification: Anything that can get you ahead in life can hold you back as well. I no longer feel bad listing myself as a diversity candidate for tech positions because there are some opportunities that won't become available to me because of my femininity. Like after I watched SeaQuest DSV, I fell in love with their Chief Engineer Katherine Hitchcock. I was so disappointed when I realized that naval submariners generally speaking can't be female :-( When I wanted to be an inhome agent for the Geek Squad, a lot of managers didn't want top "jeopardize" a young female by sending her into strangers homes. For every time I've "gotten something" because I was a girl, there was an opportunity that I missed because I was a girl.

6. That said, it's a thin line to tread...: It's one thing to embrace your femininity. But there's a thin line between embracing that what makes us unique, and... well.... whoring out. While whoring out nearly always works in the short time, it generally fails in the long term. Too often, you become a victim. Also, this is one of the quicker ways that I have seen to alienate other geek girls.

7. First and foremost, we are fighters!: Life is rarely easy on geek chicks. A lot of us are very possessive of our "geek girl" culture, and will fight if we disagree with something. As a whole, culture doesn't really know what to do with us, and the teenaged years were hard on many of us. Don't be surprised if we get defensive if we feel threatened, and if we immediately start to fight dirty. It's one thing we excel at.

I think that was the large majority of my thoughts on this matter. I'd like to think that I'm not your typical, die hard feminist, and that my viewpoints on the matter are pretty moderate.

Sculpey

Around the middle of last year, when I became obsessed with Angry Birds, I got it in my head that I wanted little polymer clay birds. I kept meaning to pick up the clay, but then forgetting, and eventually forgot the idea entirely. Aaron got me some Sculpey for Christmas though, and once more I meant to actually use it, but forgot. Sculpey is neat stuff. Since it's a Polymer Clay, it doesn't dry, which is good for when I ADD off and forget it on the table for a few hours.

Fast forward to a few days ago, when I decided that if I'm going to be awake until 5/6am every night that I was going to do something somewhat productive with my time. So at 3am, I decided to put together a quick turtle. Turtles are simple. Shell, 4 legs, head, tail. How hard could it be...

I couldn't get the shell to look like... well... anything but a potato, and one of his feet got injured in transit to the oven. Refusing to get deterred, I quickly whipped up a quick snail. No legs to break, and a simple shell! That'll be easy, right?

Again, cute. But this one still looks like it was made by a child as well. A bit more dawdling resulted in a ladybug, which was actually pretty good for my fledgling efforts, and inspired me to try and learn more!




At this point I did some research, and learned that Rubbing Alcohol worked really well for smoothing the clay out. And lo and behold, The things I made started looking somewhat better!

I was playing around with brown clay to see what I could do using the new techniques that I'd learned, and it started resembling a bunny. So that's what this critter ended up becoming! Once I started being able to make the clay things resemble what they looked like in my head, I continued on to make the nerdy things I'd aspired to when I was getting started.

First, of course, was the Angry Bird.


He was lopsided, but he actually strongly resembled what I expected him to!

Next came the Jigglypuff.


Hrm. Jigglypuff had some issues with scale. So I decided to do a quick, easy pick me up before attempting the big daddy, and came up with this guy.


Satisfied that I was ready to tackle the lord of all Sculpey figures, I started! And here he is, Chibi Cthulu!


Isn't he just the CUTEST little Chaos Lord?

Next week: Tackling the art of taking pictures of small things....

May Day 2011 at the White House

One of my fondest memories from when I was a child was going to the airport. When I was little, my father traveled a lot, and I remember that often times he would come home somewhat later in the evening, sometimes past my bedtime. Mom would bundle me up, we'd go to BWI, and get to the security counter. Sometimes I would bring a stuffed animal, and I'd giggle as it went through the X-ray machine, and I got to see it's insides on the screen. We would head to the gate, watch the plane approach, and wait in the seats until my father got off his plane.

9/11 occurred two days before my 18th birthday. I remember my initial worry - would I have to go to work that day? I was so innocent. It never occurred to me that work would be canceled - initially more because they were afraid of having us in a large building, and to keep traffic off of one of the straight roads that could be used as an emergency landing strip for BWI - than because of grief over what had happened. We couldn't process it. We didn't know how we were supposed to respond, the images on the screen seemed surreal. They were scenes that I'd seen before hundreds of times... but in fiction movies and video games. My brain wasn't equipped to handle something that big.

As the day passed the scope of things started to hit me. My father was working near DC when the plane hit the Pentagon. I honestly don't recall how long it took him to get home that day, but I remember being worried. The TV announcers started using a word that I had only heard before in History class. Draft. Obviously we were going to war. But would they make service mandatory? And in this day where inequality is regarded as a tremendous sin, would women have to be drafted? Would my friends have to go off to war? Fortunately, I'd graduated High School that May, and I didn't have to deal with trying to go to school with all that going through my head.

I don't honestly remember my 18th birthday that well, or rather, I don't remember anything good or happy about it. I remember trying to go down to Crystal City for a convention, and how packed the roads were. A trip that should have been 2 hours even with the heaviest DC traffic possible ended up taking 3 and a half hours.

I am a product of the last generation who will clearly remember what life was like before 9/11. It was something that didn't really occur to me until last night, when I saw myriad people in their early 20s at the White House. They were perhaps 10 years old when it happened. They don't have strong memories of what it was like before America responded to terror. They don't remember picking up their father at the airport gate, and chances are, they will never experience anything like that for the rest of their lives.

My decision to go to the White House last night for the celebration after Osama bin Laden's death was criticized by some of my friends. They asked, "How could you join a crowd cheering for someone's death? It's never right to cheer someone's death." I didn't go because I wanted to cheer about Osama being dead. Regardless of what anyone's personal feelings are about the war, terrorism, or Osama... his death will go down in history. In 20 years, when we reflect on last night, we will discuss where we were, and I couldn't live with myself if I said, "I was 30 miles away from the White House watching it on TV." And after attending, I think that people who criticize others for "cheering over the death of another" have an overly simplified view of the situation.

Yes. There were people in the crowd screaming, "Fuck Osama," but they were a small minority. For every person screaming that, there were 10 others saying "Bring our Troops home," "God Bless the USA" and "We Remember 9/11." There were widows of 9/11, who finally get to feel some sort of completion over the loss of their husbands. There were families of men killed in combat who finally believe that perhaps their deaths had some justification.

The aura in the air was tangible. It was hopeful, proud, and patriotic. It was one of the few crowds that I've ever been in where people talked openly to strangers, and where people walked around the Downtown DC area at 2am without fear. Whether legitimate or not, people felt safe, for the first time in 10 years. Yes, bin Laden was not the only terrorist in the world, and we're not truly safe. But for one night, we were able to forget about that, embrace what it meant to be in the US, and pretend that maybe things weren't quite so bad.

The crowd was loud, alive. People spontaneously broke into the Pledge of Allegiance, and the Star Spangled Banner, without getting involved in a debate over whether it was truly Constitutional to say "Under God." The meters in DC weren't being checked, because there were things more important to this evening than parking tickets. People hung out of the windows of their car with patriotic songs blaring, waving flags, and screaming USA. If this occurred for any reason other than the death of a human being, not a single person would be able to speak foul of it.

The only thing that made me sad last night is that we only come together as patriotic Americans when something bad happens. When someone dies, or when there is a great disaster. It seems the rest of the time, we're too busy focusing on our differences, whining about public policy, and cowering in fear to remember that we do have it better than so many other countries in the world.

And that is what makes me sad.

Sodastream

While I was driving to Chick-fil-A for breakfast the other day, I was listening to the Jack Diamond Morning Show when I heard an advertisement for the Sodastream. Immediately, I was interested. I love soda. I hate the fact that everything at the grocery store for the most part has High Fructose Corn Syrup or Aspartame in it. It's not so much that I buy into the hype about those sugar substitutes being bad for you, but moreso that whenever I ingest either with any large quantity, I tend to feel like crap.

So I looked into and noticed that all of their syrups were free of HFCS and Aspartame, and instead used Sugar and/or Splenda. Furthermore, their line of Naturals, which releases in May, has no artificial sugars, colors or flavors at all. That piqued my interest considerably more.

I began reading reviews, and noticed a few things. First, the ever present people who vote 1 on a product for dumb reasons. Second, people that commented that there was Aspartame and High Fructose Corn Syrup in the mixes, when there wasn't (perhaps the recipe has changed? Still, not valid complaints). Third, people were complaining that they were having difficulty swapping out the Carbonator because it is a proprietary design. Lastly, people complained that they didn't like the syrups that Sodastream had available.

The third concern was enough to give me pause. If I fell in love with the thing, and couldn't get syrups for it, I would be tremendously disappointed in the long run. So I tabled the thought - at least for now - and headed off to Bed Bath and Beyond, not intending to pick it up until the reviews for it were more consistent.

I came across the Sodastream endcap at Bed Bath and Beyond, and noticed that they had a sign there regarding the Carbonator. Apparently, BB&B offers a swap service on the Carbonators, so I wouldn't need to send them off to Sodastream like some people had complained. Realizing that this wouldn't hinder me, and that we had a 20% off coupon, I decided to take a gamble on whether or not I liked the flavors.

We rushed to get it all assembled so we could try it out when we got home, and I learned a few things that I didn't realize before about it. First, I guess I assumed it needed to be plugged in to work, but it actually doesn't, the Carbonator does everything. Second, it doesn't require cleaning, as all it does is make carbonated water - you add the syrup to the water bottle. Third, because of this, you can control the amount of fizz and syrup in every bottle. I intend on trying it out with the MiO Water Enhancer, and Crystal Light Pure Flavors that I typically use to make water more palatable. Of course, it's also good for making Selzer water for those alcoholic beverages too!

All in all, my only real complaint is that the bottles that come with it are not dishwasher safe, which is a bit inconvenient. I understand that there are glass bottles available that are, but I didn't see them at the BB&B. But when I got it, I assumed it would be a lot more "work" to make soda than it actually was, and that the machine would need to be cleaned between uses as well, so all in all, I am pretty darned happy.

Bacon Jam

I'll be honest -I AM that sort of nerd that keeps aware of the happenings in the Bacon world. Bacon is tasty. I follow the Bacon Subreddit, the Ministry of Bacon is followed on Twitter - and in my searches, I came across Bacon Jam! I saw a few different recipes for it, and ended up going with the one from Half Assed Kitchen, just with a few modifications.

Firstly, cooking a pound of bacon in a skillet is just craziness. It takes too long, it's messy, and if you're a clutz like me, hot bacon grease splatters all over you. So I cooked all but three strips (that didn't fit on my pan) in my oven using the time-honored Alton Brown tradition (only follow the "cooking the bacon" step). I'd highly recommend using latex (or vinyl or nitrile) gloves for most of this recipe, as yours hands will get relatively greasy.

The three strips that wouldn't fit on the pan I cooked on the skillet to get some bacon grease to sautee the onions and garlic in. Since I saw that the recipe recommended adding water midway through cooking, I used all of the grease from the three bacon strips - about 2-3 tablespoon full, I'd wager.

Once the bacon was "just barely done," I took it out of the oven, and cut it into little strips with kitchen sheers, and put everything into my trusty Crockpot. The recipe I was using said 3-4 hours on Low in a Crockpot, and that ended up being way, way too short. At the end of three hours, I ran it for another three hours on High, and it was pretty close to perfect (perhaps a hair overdone).

I didn't opt to run it through the food processor because it was already somewhat fine, but if I make it again I probably will. I also think that I'd modify the recipe to have a bit less onion, as a whole onion seemed to overpower it.

Darkspore

I don't play many video games anymore. That's not to say I don't spend a lot of time gaming, just that I don't purchase anywhere near as many

A large part of this is that when you play MMOs, they monopolize your time to the point where you don't actively get out and search for something new.

A larger part is that I hate the fact that video game companies are bribing review sites to positively review their games, and as a result I have ceased reading most of them. I considered doing a blog post to this end, but a friend of mine has already covered the topic pretty well. Unless Penny Arcade or a friend of mine recommends something, I generally don't even hear about new games. If something achieves extreme popularity on Reddit, I might try it out (like Minecraft).

Because of this, I hadn't even heard of Darkspore until the other night, when a former guildy mentioned it to me as a way to waste a few hours. Trusting it on his word alone, that it was "Diablo with Spore creatures," I went straight to the download page without even looking into it that much.

His original description of it being Diablo with Spore creatures was pretty apt. I almost dropped it after the first few levels because it was too easy, but then he explained to me some of the features to increase difficulty. Your Spore creatures "level up" when you put gear on them. You can only equip items between levels by returning to your ship. You can, however, chain levels together back-to-back without "leveling up" your critters, in order to increase both the challenge, and the loot potential. If you fail you will lose all of the special loot that you could have acquired.

After I started chaining levels together, I realized that after the first few levels, the difficulty did increase, and I found myself liking the game a lot more. It combines the gameplay of Diablo with the "Collect em all" mentality of Pokemon, and I found the combination to be quite addictive.

So addictive that when I realized that it was the last day of beta, I immediately preordered it, so I could start playing again tomorrow.

In addition to the addiction factor, I like the fact that I can play a quick game and be done in 15 minutes, or that I can chain together level after level. I like that there's a "Quick and Dirty" aspect of the game, in addition to a challenge rating aspect. The ability to play with my friends in 4 person Squads is attractive too. The videos that I have seen of the PVP aspects of the game are fascinating, and although I don't know that I'd PLAY the PVP, it is quite amusing even just as a spectator. I also like that I don't need to "level up" each and every hero I acquire, which is something I often dislike in games like Pokemon. Instead, I can just transfer some gear over, and he/she levels up.

The girl in me certainly enjoyed customizing my critters... er... heroes... with the new gear that they'd gotten, and the Editor is surprisingly fun to play around with. While the basic look of the heroes doesn't change, you can alter color schemes, spikes, weapons, and other things to get a completely unique look (see the screen shot at the top - they are all variants of the same hero).

As someone who has recently stopped playing MMOs, and wants the "instant achievement" feel of an MMO, in addition to the ability to play with my friends, without all the hassle of needing to play in long sessions, I think this game will keep me occupied for a good while.

How To Win Over a Geek Girl

"A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired."

A few years back, at the request of a few of my geek friends, I wrote a guide to winning over a geek girl. A lot of people liked it, and I've searched for it numerous times over the course of the last few years, but unfortunately, I've struck out in terms of relocating the original source. It's still a topic that I get asked about a lot, so I figured I'd rewrite it to the best of my ability. Back when I originally wrote it, there were very few articles like it. Nowadays, there are a ton, but I think that they're all missing a few really key points.

I included the quote at the top, regarding that place that men all hate to be - the "friend zone." As someone who has put numerous men in said zone in my life, I think I'm reasonably well qualified to discuss that as well. So here it goes, my guide to getting a geek girl.

1. Realize that Geek Girls aren't Nearly as Rare as you Think: One of the first obstacles I see men encounter is that they treat the first geek female they meet like she's a rare commodity. They become so overwhelmed with the thought that she is the only one, the best, the most perfect, that they turn into complete fools when they try to deal with her. In doing this, you become insistent, and frequently creepy. Much like guys abhor the concept of the stereotypical "clingy" girl, geek girls tend to avoid men that are constantly in their face. If you don't see geek girls where you are, there are a few options. First, try leaving your house. Trust me on this one. Try checking out the local college's gaming club, anime club, or something else nerdy. Try internet forums for things that you are interested in that targets people in your geographic area. Go to a Convention. Once you realize that this geek girl isn't the only geek girl, your perception on things will be far better. This is something that often comes back to bite a man far into the relationship. The number of guys I know who are in unhappy relationships with a girl, but refuse to leave because they'll "never find another geek girl" is sad.

2. Confidence is Sexy: Women like the bad guy. As a fellow geek, you may never fall into the bad guy category. but what is it that a woman likes in the bad guy? Well, a lot of times it's confidence. Believing in yourself, not caring what other people think of you - that is sexy. You don't need to be a braggart or an asshole to be confident. There's something to be said about a man who's quietly confident as well. If you can't like yourself, she won't like you either. To aid in shyness, don't think of her as a geek girl, think of her as just a fellow geek.

3. I Know I'm Great, But Can I Get Off This Pedestal Please?: Women love complements. It's true. And the instinct for many geek guys - especially when dealing with a woman who might have been treated good in the past - is to put her up on a Pedestal. If you believe a woman is "above" you, and you tell her that repeatedly, eventually she will believe it. Approach a geek girl like an equal. Complement her when it's appropriate. But don't fall into the trap of saying things like, "Wow, you're so much prettier than my other girlfriends..." or other things of that nature.

4. Self-Deprecating Humor: Self deprecating humor is pretty common in geek social circles. A lot of us have been made fun of for so many years that we embrace it, and make fun of ourselves. While there is something to be said about a man who doesn't take himself too seriously, it's important to keep the self-deprecating humor to a minimum. It kind of falls under the category of #3 - if you keep telling a girl that you're beneath her, she's eventually going to believe it. This is probably the 2nd most common reason that guys fall into the "friend zone." If you've done nothing but make fun of yourself, and acted like she is above you, that's how she's going to perceive you. And it's a hard perception to shake.

5. Personal Hygiene: There seem to be some myths about male hygiene that go around, and I need to dispel them. First - Axe Body Spray is not deodorant. You need to use both. Putting more good smelling stuff on isn't going to hide the funk. Praying that she doesn't notice isn't going to work. If used in addition to deodorant, Axe is alright. It's one of those love/hate things with women though. Smell is the scent that invokes memories the strongest. It's something that you want to get right. If you hear your lady of interest say something smells good - particularly a guy she knows - it's probably in your best interest to see what cologne he wears. Or perhaps there's a guy that you work with that's well dressed, and that the women at your office always seem to swoon around. Ask him for pointers. [NOTE: I've since been chided for saying Axe is alright. I know some women like it, but perhaps better advice would be just to steer clear and purchase a real cologne.]

6. Geek Girls Like Being Challenged: Again, this somewhat falls under the aforementioned categories revolving around confidence, and perceptions of inferiority. Many geek girls like being challenged. They strive to constantly learn new things, to have their horizons expanded, and to better themselves. A guy that always says yes doesn't help her in any of these goals. A guy that always says yes will probably let her run off and do dumb things when he probably should have stopped her. Try to say and do things that force her to stop accepting life for what it is, and to challenge her to see another viewpoint. This is reason number 3 why I categorize guys in the "friend zone." If you're not going to point it out when I'm wrong, and you're just going to let me walk all over you, you aren't helping me grow in any healthy fashion.

7. That Doesn't Mean Question Every Word She Says: No offense geek boys, but it seems like some of you have this desire to always be right. Except, it's not a desire to always be right, but moreso a desire to prove everyone else wrong. It's a common trait in people who are insecure with themselves. It's also extremely unattractive. I've literally gone on dates with a guy who questioned everything I said. The hilarious part was that a good 75% of it was in regards to things that I could solidly prove him wrong in. And when I did prove him wrong, he refused to back down, still insisting that he was correct. We're not talking abstract concepts that someone can argue, oh no. We're talking facts. Dates. Numbers. Equations. Nothing is a bigger turn off, and that's probably the #4 reason that men stay in the friend zone.

8. If you Make More than she does, try not to Flaunt it: I am going to admit upfront that this is something that is subject to debate. But a lot of us geek girls kind of like having nice jobs and being "independent." If your lady has that mindset, it's probably best to not mention if your income is higher initially. Some of us find it kind of daunting. So approach flaunting your income carefully. A lot of geek girls are going into life with the mindset that they shouldn't need to depend on a man's income. Sometimes this leads us to believe that there are socio-economic boundaries to love and relationships. If she reads women's magazines like Cosmopolitan, she might have heard that men are judging women more and more by the type of job they have, or their income.

9. Don't Obsess: Don't try to hang out with her every day. Don't cancel your plans to hang out with her. Have a life of your own. This will give you something to discuss with her, and will prevent her from running away because she feels smothered. Better yet, take the time you have to your self to do or learn something interesting. Pick up rock climbing. Learn a language, or how to cook, or some other skill. That way, when you finally do have her on a date, you can wow her with unexpected skill.

10. Don't be Creepy: Keep the staring to a minimal level. Don't get her drunk and try to take advantage of her. Don't kiss her while you think she's sleeping (trust me, she's not). Don't comment on every single thing she posts on Facebook. There's a fine line between interested and stalking.

I think those are my biggest points for now. Consider yourselves educated, and go forth into the world!

On my (Now) Love/(Previously)Hate Relationship with FourSquare

Although I generally consider myself to be pretty quick to pick up the next great technology, especially when it comes to social media, I was initially extremely hesitant to sign up for things like FourSquare. I think it fell into my thoughts about blogging - I considered it to be extremely narcissistic from a person like me, who really isn't that grand or important in the scheme of things. Aside from my fears that it was paradise for stalking, there was also the knowledge that I never really *go* anywhere, and who really cares about the places I don't go?

I had a bit of a change of heart at PAX because everyone was checking in from there, and it became part of the social experience to check in as well. There was also, of course, the ability to rub it in all my friends face through Facebook that I was at PAX, and they were not. I then realized that there were a lot of nice uses for FourSquare - seeing what restaurants are nearby, remembering the name of the place we ate the night before that I'd forgotten already, etc.

And I further realized that perhaps the problem wasn't that I didn't need FourSquare because I never went anywhere, the problem was actually that I should go someplace sometimes!

What I've Been Up To

I'd like to apologize for not posting for the past week of so, I've gotten wrapped up in a few things.

The first is the website for my Pern club, 11th Pass Pern, which I did a complete site overhaul for. I've also been working on other stuff related to said club. My fellow BOD member there just left for a vacation to London, so we wanted to transition the site over to the new Wiki format, get some new graphics, bang out some storylines, etc.

The second is a Pern club that I'm a part of Triad Weyrs, that I likewise wanted to get a bunch of storylines out quickly.

I also borrowed a few animes from Ray and Maggie, including RahXephon, which I watched as a much younger geekling, but keep thinking of recently. I admit, nowadays I consider myself a bit too adult for anime, but there are still a few that I have a softspot for: Neon Genesis Evangelion, Cowboy Bebop and Crest of the Stars to name a few.

What else? I spent two days of my week job hunting for the most part, and try to fit some house cleaning in there as well. Aaron and I both cooking is a double-edged sword - on one hand, it's nice, but on the other hand McDonald's would be a whole heckuva lot less dishes for me to do. I hate dishes.

One thing I've experimented a lot with recently is Salmon. We got a giant bag of frozen Alaskan Salmon after attending the Alton Brown experience last month, and I've been experimenting with various ways to prepare it. My favorite thus far is Kelsey Nixon's "en papillote" technique, largely because no Geek Kitchen should ever be without rice, soy sauce and ginger. If you don't have Toasted Sesame Oil, or Rice Wine Vinegar, you can just mince a clove of garlic for each fishy and that's equally delicious. In the near future, I intend on attempting Alton Brown's Recipe for Salmon en Papillote, but that would actually require me to go to the store to purchase a lot of those ingredients. Beyond that, I hate Anise so I am not 100% sold on liking Fennel. The good part about this technique is that it's very low in the amount of dishes dirtied in the process.

I should be back to more or less regular updates sometime soon, and I have a few good blog posts brewing in the back of my mind. So stay tuned!

Proper Etiquette for the End User

Relations between Corporate IT and their End Users are often strained. One of the common things that I get asked over the phone at work is how to facilitate "urgent" issues so they can be taken care of quicker. The problem that I often see though, is that the measures that the user is taking to try and get things done quickly are actually causing the problem to move slower. There are two reasons for this. Either the End User isn't giving IT enough information to work with, or (more frequently) the user has pissed off the IT department, and now they're deliberately ignoring them. One thing that really frustrates me is that there are tons of sites devoted to teaching technicians proper etiquette, but no one addresses the issue of how an End User should treat a technician!

For the purposes of this article, "Creating A Ticket" is used to refer to the tracking systems that pretty much any organization with more than 1 IT employee use to monitor the progress of broken systems. Chances are, if you have a way to call or email for support, a ticket is being generated, and a number is provided regarding it. One of the common "new" measures to keep IT from getting overwhelmed is the concept of "Self Service" tickets - generally you as the End User will use some sort of Internet/Intranet page in order to notify the IT department that something is broken.

I provide the following 10 tips to help End Users properly interface with their IT Support coworkers:

1. Follow the Proper Procedure: It amazes me how many times someone calls and tells me that they have an urgent issue with their PC that has been going on for weeks, and I ask them if they submitted a ticket and they respond with "no." Frequently, they tell me that they emailed a tech that helped them in the past, or mentioned it in passing to someone in the hallway. Some of them just seem to think that I have ESP and know automatically whenever their Outlook crashes. Now every company is different, so do check the guidelines for your particular organization, but everywhere that I have worked has followed a pretty strict guideline. Do Not Directly Contact 1 Technician, Unless Your Company Only HAS One Technician. Turn over in IT is high. People get sick, or go on vacation and don't set their out of office messages. No less than three people interrupt me with questions every time I leave my desk, so chances are I've forgotten the first issue by the time I've reached my desk.

This is also a case of poor etiquette. If an established procedure exists, it does so for a reason. Generally it is so issues can be dealt with in a timely, organized manner. Trying to circumvent the system puts you in a poor position because three days later when your system is still broke, you have no proof that you spoke to anyone. The Right Way to Do It: Create a ticket, or call your Company's Hotline, whatever the proper procedure is. If there's a particular tech that you wish to assist you with on the matter, e-mail them your information, and any ticket/confirmation numbers that you received.

2. Give Detail When Submitting Tickets, or Calling IT: A lot of people in the business world are extremely busy, flitting from meeting to meeting with little time between. As they have little time to wait on hold with IT, they tend to submit Self Service tickets documenting the problem. However, what inevitably happens is that the ticket says something extremely vague like "My Computer is Not Functioning Correctly," and because they are never at their desk, it's hard for the Tech to figure out what they're talking about. Most times, this results in the technician taking a look at the system, not seeing anything obviously wrong with it, and closing out the ticket. The Right Way To Do It: Give as much detail as you think is potentially relevant to the issue. This is especially important if only one program or piece of hardware is malfunctioning. For example, I generally don't check a printer to see if it works unless the ticket says that the computer isn't printing. If you know Model Numbers, Error Codes/Messages, IP Addresses, etc., this information needs to be included in the ticket.

3. DON'T TYPE LIKE THIS, GODDAMNIT: Most of the people that I have worked with have taken all-caps as a sign that the user would like their ticket downgraded to "Low" priority. And don't even get me started about how we feel when people swear at us. The Right Way To Do It: Always remember, phone calls to IT, emails, and tickets are all monitored. Be professional.

4. Tell The Truth!: I can't stress this enough. There are two things that people lie about: Fault, and Frequency. The Fault category is what you were doing when the issue occurred. Don't pretend that you never look at Facebook, or that you, "Didn't install anything" before the problem occurred. CERTAINLY don't tell me that you never access Facebook after I have already pulled the site out of your History, and shown you that it goes directly to your page. Frequency is regarding the number of times a machine has broken before, the number of times you've tried to contact me, etc. Guess what? All of the above is tracked. I can pull phone records that show that you've never tried to call me. I can pull previous tickets that show that while your computer did break twice before, both times were because of Facebook-related viruses. The Right Way To Do It: Admit everything. IT is going to figure it out anyway, and when we realize how much time we wasted because you couldn't just admit to downloading addons to help you play Farmville better, we are far more likely to go run and tell your boss than we would be if you just confessed upfront.

5. IT Needs Private Time Too!: Perhaps this is just a problem that I encounter as a woman, because men's bathroom etiquette is a bit more heavily discussed in popular culture than women's. But at every place I have worked, I have had one or two individuals who have insisted upon discussing whatever ailed their computer when we were both in the bathroom! All this achieves is proving that you're tactless (and pretty gross, in my opinion). The same goes for lunch breaks as well. The Right Way to Do It: As noted prior, email is typically the best way to contact IT.

6. Oh hey there, buddy!: There's always at least one guy in the company that does it - the moment he needs something fixed, he's your best friend. He shows up at your office door, makes three seconds of small talk, and then, "Oh, by the way, can you look at my Email?" Then two days later when you encounter him in the hallway, he doesn't even nod when you say Hi. It's one of the oldest tricks in the book to act nice when you need something and then promptly stop the act once your needs have been fulfilled. The Right Way To Do It: Your IT staff are people too! Try being nice whenever you encounter them, and you'll find your issues are resolved much quicker! Seriously, it doesn't hurt to say Hi every now and again.

7. Oh Also, My PC at Home Is Acting Weird...: It amazes me how many people assume that while I am working on their office PC, that I will also assist them on issues they're experiencing with their home PC. I've actually confronted a few users before over why they thought it was ok to do this, and basically, the response was, "Well, you're already here, and it's a computer." This mentality is flawed. You don't call up your company accountant and request that he do your taxes while he's at work. Just because IT advice is intangible doesn't mean it's free. Also, I don't want to have to deal with you being angry with me when I tell you to download Kaspersky Antivirus, and you decide to download some free piece of malware that's posing as antivirus. The Right Way To Do It: If you followed the advice for #6, and you are on friendly terms with IT, it is alright to occasionally ask a question, but you should ideally check good old Google for some information first. I would rather have you come to me and say, "I think I have this virus, is it true that Kaspersky will remove it?" than have you say, "I'm getting popups all the time, what do I do?" And of course, I always support bribery. I'm not saying PAY your IT person to help you, I'm just saying that if brownies happen to end up on my desk next to a broken computer, it'll probably get taken care of.

8. We Understand You're Angry, Please Don't Direct It At Us!: Let's face it, if you're talking to the IT staff in the first place, chances are something's either broken. People have differing ways of dealing with frustration, and some are better at it than others. But do try to avoid the "You gave me this computer and now it's broken so it's your fault." There are few things worse than going out of our way to help someone, and to that person do nothing but try and chew our heads off! It's okay to be frustrated with the situation, but technicians remember the "angry" clients, and strive to avoid them when they see their name on the caller ID in the future. Obviously, if the technician did something that broke your PC in the first place that's a bit different, but in those scenarios, it's better to calmly speak to the technician's supervisor, who can handle things in a bit more rational fashion. The Right Way To Do It: First, don't call the second you realize your PC is acting up. Restart the PC, as that is literally the solution for a good third of the calls I receive. While the PC is restarting, do something that you find relaxing, so you can have a rational conversation with the technician. If you're agitated when you call, it's just going to take longer to resolve the issue.

9. Regarding Last Minute Emergencies: It happens to everyone. That project that you were assigned three weeks ago that will "only take an hour," is due by lunchtime. You open up Powerpoint to do it, and it crashes. These circumstances typically lead to some of the most difficult issues to handle as a technician, because the user is freaking out, they aren't communicating clearly, and they are unwilling to try things like restarting because they think it's a waste of time. In worse case scenarios, I've seen people lie to their bosses, stating that their PC has been broken for weeks just to avoid having to get in trouble for being late! Well guess what, when your boss calls us up, we have a log of when you called and what it was about, so that's not going to work! The Right Way To Do It: As stated above, restart your PC and take a deep breath before calling us (or while you're calling). Try to be as calm as possible as you explain the problem. If you admit, "Hey, I completely screwed up and forgot to do this, now it is due soon and my PC is broke" we will likely be willing to work with you. Yelling/Screaming/Crying is all counter-productive.

10. Gratitude Fixes Everything: Very few people tell us thank you, or seem in the slightest bit grateful when we help them. If you are one of these people, we will remember you, and it will help you out in the future.

And a Bonus:

11: Google It!: 90% of issues that I see as a technician are quick, easy fixes. If you try Googling something before calling IT, you're not only going to avoid feeling dumb when the tech fixes it with a reboot, you're also going to LEARN SOMETHING!

A Day in the Life of a Tech: Part 1

One thing that people frequently ask of me is to hear stories about things that happen in the day to day life of an IT person. While the large majority of it is exceptionally lame (like people that insist upon having you assist them with their tech problems while in the bathroom stall next to yours), there are a few gems out there that are truly worth telling.

Before reading further, please be mindful that this is likely not safe for work, and probably not safe for sanity. If you're under 18, stop reading. Mom, close the damned internet tab, I can promise you that you don't want to read this. If you're not familiar with IT; ignore the big IT words, you'll still understand.

While working for a large, nationwide end-user tech agency, I ended up doing a diagnostic on a PC that was obviously suffering from a bad hard drive. The elderly woman who checked it in complained that it was making a clicking noise, and at the counter we were unable to get it to boot into Windows. The PC had two drives, a CD-RW drive, and a DVD-ROM drive. I was reasonably certain what the diagnostic was going to tell me, so I pop the diagnostic disk into the CD-RW drive, and surely enough, hard drive is toast. Sector repair fails, so the next logical option is replacement. I check the warranty information and find that the machine is under warranty, and the user brought in the System Disks as well. Now all that I need to do is find out whether she wants me to try and recover the data from the PC. So I call and leave her a voicemail message telling her what I've found, and advising her that I would start repairs as soon as I heard from her.

Now at the time, we had a tiered pricing setup for data retrieval. If the machine was functional and it was just a matter of copying the files to a disk, it was one price. However, if advanced recover (disk is completely hosed, data needs to be repaired) was required it was another price. Knowing that the woman would likely want a more exact quote, I turn on the PC to see if the previously attempted sector repair has made the system bootable.

Let me take this time to give the following warnings. First, never let Windows Autorun anything. Period. Second, don't assume that technicians are out to snoop for interesting things in your data, because 99% of the time, it literally pops out at us, and we're powerless to ignore it.

What happened next was basically the worst-possible-scenario of occurrences. As the machine successfully boots into Windows, Autorun takes action on the DVD disk, and it starts playing where it left off: Smack dab in the middle of Anal Fisting #5 (Best Movie Ever Edition)*. My coworkers and I watch in horror as this chick onscreen takes it up the butt, and then the phone rings. Of course, the person calling me is the woman who owns the PC!

Once my peers ascertain this, they are laughing to hard to do anything to stop the movie, and I've ran into the corner of our department to try and avoid the sound. I then proceed to explain what is wrong with the machine, what the costs for data recovery would be, etc. Just when I think I've managed to keep a straight face, the owner of the PC bursts into tears. She manages to choke out that the PC had belonged to her beloved son, who had passed away just a few weeks prior. And that she wanted the PC to work again so she could use it, but didn't need any of the data.

It then occurs to me that while I am on the phone with this grieving mother that her dead son's anal fisting porn is playing. That is when I completely lost it. Unable to handle the sheer bizarreness of the situation, I do what anyone else would do, I bust out laughing.

And that's why I laughed at the woman when she told me her son had died.

And that, friends, is why you don't die with anything incriminating on your computer.

*I don't remember if that was the precise title of the movie, but I know with 100% certainty it was labeled, "best movie ever"

Alton Brown Main Event

First off, if you read this blog through some sort of Feed, note that the last post has had Images added to it. Also, I've posted all the images to my Photobucket here. Unfortunately, there are very few pictures of the main event because the Hippodrome doesn't allow photography in the main room - I snagged the one above right before the usher came over to chide me :-(

The topic of the main event was how one time, a little boy came up to Alton, and asked him what he'd learned through the course of making his show. Alton responded with a lot of advice regarding lawyers, and copyrights and the like. The boy stopped him and said, "No, what have you learned about food?" After that, Alton made to a point to work on a list, called "10 Things About Food I Feel Pretty Darned Sure of." I'm not going to go through all 10 here, as it would be an extremely long post, and I don't want to spoil too much of it for people who may get to see it in person. Here were some of the highlights though (sorry if it seems disjointed, I took notes, but he is far more eloquent than I am):

1. Chickens Don't Have Fingers: Children's menus always contain the same 5-6 meals, one of which is chicken fingers. This increases their dependence on Ronald McDonald to feed them as an adult. Alton's daughter really liked Chicken Fingers, until one night she had friends over and he asked them what they wanted to eat. She responded, "Chicken Fingers." So Alton went down to the Asian Grocery, bought chicken feet, and them steamed and fried them, with the toenails still attached. Obviously when he presented them to the girls, they all freaked out, and said, "What is this?!" Alton responded, "Well what do you think McDonald's makes them out of?" and he has not had a request for Chicken Strips ever since.

I have to make a tangent at this point, because some of Alton's fans feel that ever since he lost weight, he has been "holier than thou" about health and weight. I don't know if they are just sensitive to the subject, or if I am less sensitive because I've never dealt with weight issues, but I didn't think that he was holier than thou at all. Honestly, Americans have an issue with obesity. As a result, many of his fans are going to be obese. And I think it's only right for him to explain the tips that he - as someone who loves food and has to watch what he eats - has been using. A lot of the ethical or political points that he made were spot on, and in my opinion were responsible uses of his celebrity status. Beyond that, he was very interesting to listen to, and never seemed "preachy" or "lecturing."

5. Beware Chinese Chili: This was a thought that originally came to him when he opened a can of Chili from China, and it was disgusting. Then came the obvious tangents from the original thought - why would you get a food that is Tex/mex in origin from an Asian Country? And moreso than that, why would you buy food from a nation that doesn't even care about their own people? Recently, there have been a lot of occasions where toys, formula, etc form China have been revealed to be harmful. And there's simple too much food coming into the US for all of it to be tested.

This lead to a discussion about local foods, which Alton feels are a better option. In addition to supporting your local farmers, it is a lot easier to track if you get Salmonella (for example) from a local farm, than if you're eating imported food that's traveled hundred or thousands of miles to get to you. Many of these farms conform to higher standards than are required for "Organic" labeling, but cannot afford it, as the government has made it very expensive.

7. Gratitude: It Tastes Good: Being someone who worked has worked in "Customer Service" type jobs for over 10 years, this really resonated with me. People are rude to servers, cashiers, etc. These are the people that are taking care of your needs, and you should be respectful and friendly to them as a result.

8. Husbands, Your Wife is the Best Cook Ever: Alton regaled us with a story from the early parts of his marriage, where his wife cooked Spaghetti. He commented that it could use garlic and oregano, and she walked out of the kitchen... for 8 months. Now everything that she cooks is the best thing that he's ever tasted.

In between the things he's learned, Alton took questions from the audience via phone and microphone. here are some of the Highlights:

What Would You Request for your "Last Meal?": Duck Confit, since it takes three days to prepare.

What Foods (if any) Do You Refuse to Eat?: Any food from Walmart

Which Do You Think had a Bigger Influence on Cooking, Salt, of Fire?: He had to pause and consider this one before answering, "Fire, but only because you didn't say Kosher Salt."

Favorite Spice: Cumin (I agree with him 100%)

What Do You Think About Justin Bieber?: Pig Roast, With a Shiny Red Apple in His Mouth

Would You Ever Compete on Iron Chef, and If So, Who Would You Compete Against?: Alton said that he would not compete on Iron Chef because if anyone else got the opportunity to do his job, they would realize how cushie of a gig it is. Also because he'd get the snot beat out of him. If he had to, though, he would go against Morimoto, and ensure that the Secret Ingredient was not Fish, and was preferably something very American like cocktail weenies.

Random Stories:

Alton told a few random stories that were extremely funny. One was about his many experiences of smoking food - particularly salmon - at home. When he first began steaming salmon, he did it in cardboard boxes in his carport. But he's not a particularly "clean" person, and hates cleaning up after himself, so he would often leave the boxes out until his wife yelled at him to get rid of them. One day it was raining, so he nudged the box with his foot out into the rain. When it became soft and wet, the neighborhood dogs all came and ate the box. A later iteration of the box would have thick, heavy duty aluminum foil in it, but he forgot about it, and kicked it out into the rain. He then received angry calls from his neighbors because their dogs were crapping up foil for days afterwards.

He also listed off some of his vices, one of which was alcohol. When he drinks, he admits that he makes poor decisions about food, and he compared himself to Homer Simpson in this regard. The only thing that will cause him to set down a beer is a donut. Unfortunately, that's why he has two hands, or if he's careful, he can just put the donut on the beer bottle, and eat it from there.

Another of his vices is Thin Mints. Since his daughter is a Girl Scout, and his wife volunteered to hold on to all of the cookies for a few troops, he couldn't avoid them though. Thin Mints, he claims, are a box that contains two servings, and that anyone who doesn't eat a whole tube in one setting is a Nazi. If he had his own church, he would use Thin Mints as Communion Wafers.

He was asked for his thoughts on several Food Network personalities. The first was Bobby Flay, who people generally think of as being a jerk. Alton explained that he's not a jerk, but that some combination of his New York manner of speaking, and his serious nature regarding food causes him to come off that way. Another audience member asked if Giada's head was really as big as it appeared on TV, and he responded that he couldn't answer because he didn't know a single man who actually looked at her head (but that Giada was really nice as well). He indicated a tremendous fondness for Iron Chef Chairman Mark Dacascos, and did a very good impersonation of him. When Mark went to do Dancing With The Stars, Alton told him that he'd better win, because even if he didn't win, he could kill all his competition and be the best.

All in all, the evening was incredibly worthwhile, and a fun time was had by all.